Colton sent himself home… or he might as well have.


Cassie Randolph gave Colton the shaft on Monday during March 4th’s episode in front of 7.8 million viewers. It nearly destroyed him. I say nearly because I assume Chris and the show runner have taken him in hand and made sure he appears on the next episode. To choose someone. Anyone.

Though it seems only Hannah G., photographer, model and Instagram influencer, remains as a viable marriage partner. Tayshia, the smartest of the bunch, seems to have bombed after their night in the fantasy suite ended without Colton losing his virginity.

Has this ever happened on the Bachelor ? That he’s the one rejected by his ultimate choice of partner? I never watched past seasons.

The episode gave me the kind of pleasure you get from a bad movie that’s resurrected at the last minute by a surprise twist. I was breathless. Shocked.

Colton’s first mistake was telling Cassie that her father didn’t give him his blessing. He did it after their romantic day running around the breathtaking city of Tavira in Algarve, Portugal, both of them kissing endlessly. On learning of her father’s rejection, (Matt Randolph’s “he seemed like a, you know, guy,” said it all) Cassie’s face flushed and within seconds she was struggling to hold back tears. Colton assured her the father’s lack of endorsement made no difference to him. Yet any viewer could see it made a huge difference to Cassie, who was suddenly thrown into total confusion over what to do.

Later that day Cassie’s youngish jean-clad father was flown in to counsel her. “A lifelong marriage is too important to be decided on the basis of a few weeks with a guy like Colton.” I paraphrase. She resolved to give poor Mr. Underwood the boot; she would go home that night.

Not good. All that day, Cassie’s endless demurs and inability to say she was falling in love when Colton told her the same, gave him the thrill of the chase. He decided she was the one. By the end of that same dreamy day, Cassie had grown more conflicted than ever. Only twenty three and in thrall to her family, she decided to follow the advice of her protective father.

I couldn’t believe the dad did this, a great disservice in my mind, demonstrating the hubris and failings of a typical helicopter parent.

That night, Cassie Randolph–surfer, student, mixed up kid unready for marriage–never looked so beautiful. Her shimmering, super short dress accented her perfect figure and contrasted with her flaxen mane. Colton looked head over heels. He kept professing his love in no uncertain terms EVEN AFTER she said she was going home, her eyes teary, her lips trembling. Even then he gave her two more chances to change her mind.

Did the showrunner and powers that be plan this? Did they decide Cassie Randolph was too immature and indecisive to end up with gorgeous, sweet, indecisive Colton? And would end in divorce? Because flying her father in to Algarve was sure to ruin everything.

And so the episode ended with a flipped out Colton bursting from his room, banging into the camera man, jumping yet another tall white fence and disappearing into the night. Chris was summoned and shown hurrying down a deserted pitch black road in the middle of nowhere. “Where’d he go? Has anyone seen him?”

So dramatic.

Let’s face it. The pressures on confused Colton Underwood have mounted episode by episode. You could tell he was suffering, with no idea who to pick. Now, finally, we saw him decide Cassie was the one . . . only to be rejected! It might have been ironic, even funny in its awkward unsubtlety, if it hadn’t been horrifying.

Meanwhile Tayshia bides her time in her room doing what? Desperately trying to read a book or watch TV? And Hannah G. is nowhere to be seen, though she is the only hope remaining.

All I can say is, ladies, never underestimate the power of the chase.

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